Your response is determined by your internal interpretation

__________JJ Thiret__________ .. I was with a friend of mine, and somebody we've known and he said something and I said "oh F-you!" we all know what that means and i hold up my middle finger to him, he'll go "yeah, you too" and it's not a big deal but if a stranger on the street did that to me, the same word, the same action, I would be much more enraged. __________Timothy Hayes__________ Or the reverse, the example you just gave his one I've used in reverse a lot to try and help people understand that my response is determined by my internal filter, so I used to say if I'm walking down the street in downtown Chicago and I'm heading to a meeting and a homeless person on the other side of the..of the street says to me "you ugly, bald-headed" I just keep walking. I don't have any investment in that person, it's not, you know,I understand they've got their own issues I'm safe I'm on the other side of the street. It may have so little impact on me that I don't even mention it to people when I get to the office or the meeting. But if I walk home at night and my wife says to me "you stupid" it's gonna boom!, hit me hard. : If my filter is set, that.. That she has to love me in order for me to be happy, she has to treat me pleasantly in order for me be happy, my interpretation of that has a completely different impact on me __________JJ Thiret__________ Sure, sure..I-I was doing in the reverse only because the friend was saying it is a joke. __________Timothy Hayes__________ Right, ex...its ex... you're..you're exactly right. It's all about the internal interpretation and if you know your friends joking, you can let them say that you can say that back to him and if you've been raised in a culture that says, "you're on the street you can't let somebody say F-you to you without going to war with him then, you have to go to war"